It’s a few years since I stopped and started this blog. And many things have happened to me in the meantime. So it’s time for an update.
When I started this blog, I had Avoidant Personality Disorder and an Anxiety Disorder. I have since found that both of those were misdiagnoses. One misdiagnosis is hard to handle. It makes you question everything. Since then, I have gone through several more misdiagnoses, or at least- incomplete diagnoses. Those include Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Agoraphobia, and Sensory Processing Disorder. Those of you that are like me, may already see where this is going…
I am autistic.
Many of the diagnoses I received share the same “symptoms” as being autistic, but they are not the same. Let me explain why that is important. My wonderful psychiatrist, who I owe my life to, spent more than a year trying to treat my Bipolar Disorder. During those failed treatments I experienced horrible side effects that pushed me to my physical and emotional breaking point. Why is that? Because like many people on the spectrum, I am simply not Bipolar alone. I am also ADHD. And the medications I was taking for Bipolar often made my ADHD completely unbearable.
Since then, I have found the right medication cocktail and my life is completely different. More than that, I’ve also found a new form of counseling that has changed my life as well. Not all therapists are created equal, and when you find that not one of the counselors your insurance covers is helping you, you have to get creative. For me, that was online counseling. Several times a week I text my counselor, a veteran with experience in all my issues. He gives me practical advice and reminders to help me through whatever problem I am having at that moment. One text from him has helped me more than months with my previous therapists. His texts are also often rife with typos, which makes me feel so at ease with my own. I’m sure he does that on purpose. (Right? I thought so.)
And lastly, probably the most important thing, is by coming to terms with being autistic, I have been able to forgive myself for some of the behaviors that I was hung up on for many, many years. There are more things that I will go into on this subject, like getting a diagnosis as an adult, getting a diagnosis as a woman, and the cost of masking. But for now, that’s enough for an update.
Thanks for reading.